The Kolariks: May 2015

This month I want to celebrate mothers!

It seems like the social media trend this month was to bring awareness to the fact that Mother's Day can be painful for some to endure. I get it. Really, I do. And while I think it's important to be sensitive towards people who may struggle through the holiday, I don't want to completely dismiss the ONE day when Hallmark forces us to acknowledge the act of mothering - however it manifests itself. And while there's of course a part of my heart that wants to make Mother's Day all about myself, there are plenty of other women I want to celebrate as well!

For starters, my own mama!

This lady, who in her early 20's tended to two babes while sometimes a continent away from family and familiarity.

Who continued to, with a positive and adventurous attitude, pack up and move her young family every couple of years in typical military tradition.

This lady, who instilled in her children the value of self-education and learning outside of the box.

This lady, who successfully balanced being a strong wife for a husband battling a terminal illness while remaining a rock for two young children who still needed their mama.

Who was forced to step into the role of single-mother, and was able to hold her ground during the daunting "teenage" years of childrearing. This lady, who happily allowed a host of adolescent youths to help themselves to our house and home, and loved them like her own. Anyone who knows her will agree she's the first to prove that family isn't always from your bloodline.

This lady, who knew how to support her fledgling adult-kids when they needed her, but also knew when to let go and let us be who we needed to be without her.

And who continues to be giddy-proud of her kiddos. And their kiddos.

And my Mother-in-law, she needs to be celebrated too!

This lady, who raised three boys, including my Charlie. Need I say more?

When I think of Charlie, and the things I love about him, I can't help but feel gratitude for his mom and the way she raised him. I am so thankful that she let him carry a purse to hold his crayons in. And that she let him make messes in the house while working on projects. And that she made him run laps around the block to burn off his energy, and timed him so he would go faster the next time. And that she encouraged him to participate in church, and Boy Scouts, and swimming. And that she sent him to work at the wheat farm over the summers.

She knew how to help him get a handle on things that might have been hard to control, knew how to feed his curiosity and creativity, and knew how to let him form his unique identity and be confident in it. I know there were several important influences in Charlie's life while growing up, but I firmly believe that if he had had a different mama, he wouldn't be half the man he is today. I'm pretty lucky.

And she loves ME well, too. Like her own. She accepts me just as I am and agrees I'm the perfect match for her son.

She confides in me, and believes in me, and loves that I gave her a couple more grandkids.

And then there's this mama.

I met her early in high school, nearly nineteen years ago (wowza!) when our biggest concerns were who was going to bring the latest issue of Cosmo on our next road trip, what fun treasures we could shove down the gauntlets of our marching band uniforms to entertain us during football games, and which cute guys we were going to target as the victims of our embarrassing efforts at flirting.

Now, we're all growns up. Since we live 500 miles apart, emails have proved invaluable as she has become a virtual diary of sorts for my outpouring of verbal processing through motherhood.

Together, we've walked (and typed) through the hopelessness that accompanies failed attempts at pregnancy, and the gamut of emotions that flooded our lives after miscarriages. We've supported each other through the excitement and difficulties of successful pregnancies, and calmed each other after early infant freak-outs. Our back and forth emails have discussed everything from sleeping habits, to eating habits, to bathroom habits, to shifted sleeping habits. Temper tantrums and sibling rivalry, family rhythms and new routines. Namely, the disappointments, frustrations, fears, and guilt, along with the surprises, joys and silliness that are a part of our lives as "Mama" now.

She's the only person I feel comfortable being completely open, honest and vulnerable with about the thoughts that occupy my mother-heart. In detail. Ad nauseam.

And although there are definitely moments when I would give anything to be back at Temple Lake Park with her this summer, dragging a picnic table into the water and devouring a bag of Snyder's Honey Mustard and Onion Pretzel Nibblers, I am really grateful to be where I'm at. And I'm so thankful to have her by my side. And in my inbox.

And these ladies.

And no, they're not all pictured. My church family. It most assuredly takes a village, and I love that I have such an amazing village. It's been so great to be able to look to these women who are a few steps ahead of me in motherhood, and for me to be able to encourage those a few steps behind. Parenting books are wonderful resources, but there's nothing better than seeing it fleshed out amidst the daily grind. I love dialoguing with them about the things God is teaching me about His heart through interactions with my children, and processing how to invite our children into knowing more of the Father's heart. I appreciate beyond words the commitment they have to my children - to pray for them, be intentional with them, and love them - and I am honored that they share their kids with me with the same expectations. And I love their text message invites for impromptu play dates that always seem to be timed perfectly on days when I'm ready to wave the white flag.

There are so many more women who deserve to be acknowledged here, but there's no way I could mention them all! As I think about Mother's Day though, I am incredibly thankful for the women in my life who have mothered me, and taught me how to mother well.

So how did I celebrate Mother's Day? By starting a new tradition. One of my biggest frustrations with motherhood is that I feel like I never get to give either of my children my complete, undivided attention. And one of my favorite parts of motherhood is when I get to really engage with my kids one-on-one. So this year when Mother's Day rolled around, instead of hoping for a "day off" or a gift that summed up how appreciated I am as a mother, I decided to take Bruce and Abby out on special dates. I dropped Bruce off at Charlie's office on Friday afternoon with the hopes that Bruce would color treasure maps and let Charlie finish up his work for the day. Then, Abby and I headed over to the mall for a pedicure. Abby was mesmerized by the wall of colors, but had no trouble picking out the blue glitter polish that now adorns my toenails. She had so much fun sitting on my lap, dangling her precious, petite feet into the burbling water bath, smelling all the salt scrubs and oils, and watching with wonder while the nail tech patiently worked me over with a toddler's nose four inches from her hands. I didn't have Abby actually get a pedicure herself, and I was too timid to ask if she could get her toenails painted for free, but she didn't seem to mind coming home au natural.

The plan was then for me to pick up Bruce from the office, come home, have a quick dinner, and leave Abby with Charlie while Bruce and I went out for our date. BUT, Oklahoma weather had other plans, and we watched (on the radar) another mesocyclone fly over Norman instead. Bruce amazingly had a great attitude about having to postpone our special outing, and when we did get to go out a few days later - we had a blast! I took him to Andy Alligator's Fun Park, which is like a Putt-Putt, for an evening of mini-golf and arcades. It was most definitely above his age bracket, but it didn't seem to matter. We attempted about four holes on the golf course, drove a go-kart really slowly around an otherwise empty racetrack, and played a few token games. I was kind of disappointed because the machines don't spit out paper tickets anymore - it's all electronic now - but Bruce was still able to pick out a hamburger yo-yo from the prize counter, so he was happy. And we got some cotton candy from the snack bar to round out the evening, so he was really happy. Which, of course, made me happy. I think I'm going to like this new tradition.

all Bruce cared about were the flags in the golf holes...

it didn't help that there was a "pirate" bridge and water fountain right beside the course to distract him...

Other Highlights and Kidbits from the month:

We celebrated Charlie's 36th birthday! The Saturday beforehand, we spent the day at the OKC zoo - so much fun! The weather was perfect, a lot of animals were out, and the kiddos did great skipping naps for the day! Hands down, the best part was the Lorikeet bird house. How did I take so many field trips to this zoo with elementary school kids and not know this part of the zoo existed? It.was.awesome. And for a pirate-loving family, these tiny parrots made our hearts beam for days.

Abby really wanted to see monkeys

and Bruce really wanted to see lions - Great Success!

The tigers escaped their enclosure the day before we came (eek!) so their exhibit was "temporarily closed"...

Abby freaked out on the carousel...

but Bruce loved every minute of it!

and an anchor in the parking lot to boot!

For Charlie's actual birthday, the kids and I brought a few small surprises up to his office, and then he met us and some friends at the dinosaur museum that afternoon for Free Admission Day. We had dinner at Interurban afterwards and then left the kids with a babysitter for a couple of hours while we took a walk around campus. It was a beautiful evening to spend outside together, and we talked uninterrupted about nothing fancy while holding hands instead of babies. We need to do that more often!

We spent a weekend in Perkins to celebrate Mother's Day with Charlie's mom! Charlie built a new garden trellis for her and helped his dad work the cows over, and Yvonne and I played with the kiddos. It was a pretty rainy weekend unfortunately, but practically every day has been rainy this month, so...

catching ladybugs

a break in the rain means time to jump in puddles

Bruce found the baby kittens in the hay barn

he's still learning flashlight etiquette

such a generous little babe

We went to Missouri! Charlie needed to make a business trip to photograph the Budweiser Clydesdale Breeding Farm that he designed a few years back, and the corporate office in Kansas City was having a family tailgate party for a Royals game the same weekend - so we decided to tag along! We all piled in the van, strapped on the new portable dvd players that we bought with tax refund money (we're going to be real sad when that money runs out!), and spent the day driving to Columbia, Missouri. All in all, it was an uneventful and fairly easy trip!

how Bruce entertained himself

and how Abby entertained herself...

their "hiding" spots at a rest area game of Hide and Seek

The kids and I doodled around town for a day while Charlie took photographs of beautiful horses and barns. Then we took a tour of the farm the next day with friends that had driven up from St. Louis, ate at a local favorite pizza place, and invaded her parents' house for the night. Our kids had a great time playing with each other, and the grown ups enjoyed the weekend as well!

the Fellas

and the Dame

getting pizza dough at Shakespeare's to play with while waiting for our pizza

these boys...

yep, they fit!

gotta love 'em!

There was a neighborhood pond we walked to!

And an "adult slushy" place we hit up after the kids were in bed.

Saturday afternoon we parted ways with our friends and drove to Kansas City to meet up with the Populous crew at Kauffman Stadium. We ate some yummy barbecue, chatted with some long-distance co-workers, and then walked around the stadium a bit. We knew our kids wouldn't sit still, and we couldn't stay long anyway with bad weather and bedtimes approaching, but we managed to see a few plays from the railings before heading back to the hotel. What a night!

We survived record rain and flooding! It's what everyone is talking about, huh? Rain, rain, and more rain. Thankfully, we haven't had much damaging flooding, and the storms haven't been too severe. We've been trying to make a fun game for the kiddos out of all the potentially scary thunder, and now any time you even mention the words "thunder" or "lightning" Abby will crash her hands together and yell, "BOOM!" Our garden is pitiful and and soggy, but other than that, we're good. And we've been trying to make the most of the dreary days we've endured this month by doing things like puddle jumping, and mulberry picking, and tadpole hunting.

mulberry feet!

Bruce's tadpole boat

Abby was more interested in catching rocks

About 40 survived transplant shock... it'll be August before they're frogs... we'll see how this goes...

Bruce is still plugging away at growing up into such a big boy. We enrolled him in preschool for the coming fall, but are still debating whether or not we'll actually send him. He makes the age cut-off by only nine days, so part of me wonders if keeping him home another year might be best for him. A lot will depend on if he gets placed in the morning or afternoon section I think. No decisions have to be made now, so we can still process a bit over the summer - but at least there's a slot reserved for him, which is nice.

He has been doing such a good job this month really coming out of his shell around his "friends" at the different programs we go to. And by coming out of his shell - I mean his little snail antennae are barely peeking out - but it's a start! We've had a couple of play dates at our house with some new friends, which has been nice for everyone. One of the families from the library group actually lives just a few streets down in our neighborhood, so we've been making it a point to stop by their house on our evening walks. We have a lot in common and I'm looking forward to friendships growing between the kids and the adults!

Bruce's row boat at Academy

Another fun thing about Bruce these days is that he's taken an interest in the Care Bears, and insists on having a "belly badge" drawn on his stomach just about every day. Usually he's Tenderheart or Goodnight Bear, and assigns the rest of us a character as well, but don't worry - he's definitely still all pirate.

This is his Care Bear STARE!

And he is the best at inventing new ways to hug, silly games to play and fun songs to sing together!

enjoying our neighbor's trampoline!

Abby is such a big girl these days, too! Man. Sometimes I catch myself looking at her thinking, wow, she really is a little girl now - when did that happen?

We have made some progress with ditching the nuk and although the whines are hard to push through, the reward has been worth it. She is talking so much more now! I'm not keeping a running list of her words, but I promise, there are a bunch of them!

One of the most frequently used is "me" with various contextually-based meanings. "Meeeeee!" while smacking my lap, naturally, means "I want to sit in your lap!" and "Meee!" while grabbing a bunch of things and tucking them under her arms like Steve Martin in The Jerk means "I want to bring these things with me!" and "Meeeee!!!" while angrily flailing her arms at me means "Let me do this on my own!" and "Meeee!" after I give something to Bruce (mainly used around food) means "Hey! I want some of that too!" and "Meeee!" while shrieking after Bruce means "That was what I was playing with, give it back!" Just to name a few.

Another one of her favorite words is "poop." Ha. And believe it or not, it comes up in natural conversation a lot. Not only does she pat her bum and tell me "poop" whenever she needs a change, but she also points at anything that even remotely resembles poop and asks me if it's "poop?" No, Abby, that's just a piece of asphalt. No, Abby, that's just an old leaf. No, Abby, that's just mud. No, Abby, that's just a mulberry. No, Abby, that's just a freckle. No, Abby... it's not poop. But oh boy, when she does find poop - it literally makes her giddy. That's my girl. And she loves pointing out poopers on different animals, too, wanting me to confirm the fact that that, indeed, is where the poop comes from.

just rocks

at a goat show at the fairgrounds

Eureka!

Other fun ones are "hot? hot?" which she asks about in reference to food and, in Oklahoma, most playground equipment. Smart girl. And when you ask, "Ready?" she always squeals in the cutest voice, "Go!"

She loves giving high fives and for some unknown reason is always trying to lift up whatever table that she's sitting at, including ones bolted down at fast food restaurants. Charlie does a fun thing with her where he secretly lifts the table up with his knees while she uses "magic hands" and thinks it's really funny. She really is a funny girl. And she's super social, too. She gets right up in people's faces with the biggest grin, will hold her arms up to almost anyone, especially if they have gray hair, and loves when the older kids dote on her at the library.